My Bloody Valentine 3D

Ha! This movie had been totally off my radar, but I was so very jonesing for a movie Friday night that I checked it out. And it was in 3D! A horror movie! After the first eyeball that popped out at me, I took to closing my eyes whenever there was going to be gore. Luckily, the movie usually telegraphed when the killer was going to show up, so it was easy to do. Listening to the movie's sound effects was icky enough. And hearing the audience's "yech", "ew!" and "that's disgusting" basically confirmed I was doing the right thing.

When my eyes were open, the movie was actually okay. Even somewhat original in places. Pleasantly surprising. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't completely dramatically sound. A bit like the filmmakers thought the audience wouldn't care about the bits that don't make sense as long as intestines appear to drop into their lap (I'm kind of sure that's what happened to one guy). But the best scene hands down was the woman in the obligatory sex scene. Naked as a jaybird, she runs out of the hotel room to confront the jerk who screwed her (literally and figuratively), then fights off the killer, still in the unabashed buff. I've long thought this was the way it should be. People waste precious time and energy looking for a bathrobe when a killer is coming after them in the bathtub or a shower. Don't go for your bathrobe -- get to the kitchen and go for a knife, or get to the garage and go for a nine iron. What do you care more about, your life or your modesty? Sadly it didn't end well for this ballsy babe. But at least she went out fighting. Verdict: Movie Rental if You Must

Bedtime Stories

I pushed my way into seeing this movie with my niece and brother over the Christmas holidays. I doubt I would have seen it otherwise. I can take or leave Adam Sandler, but this was really kind of a cute movie. Entertaining. Not overly gross. Not overly dependent on mindless pratfalls. Kid-level goofiness and mis-steps. Funny. As far as I know, a good family movie. Who knows what families want to take their kids to these days -- one of the ads before the movie had snippets of the Pussycat Dolls video for their when-I-grow-up-I-want-to-be-more-of-a-skank-than-you-could-possibly-imagine song. I really, truly, honestly, almost covered my niece's eyes to prevent those images from settling in her psyche. (My brother's eyes are my sister-in-law's problem. ha ha) Verdict: Movie Rental

Blah blah blech...

No, I have not posted many movie reviews in the past few months. No, I am not forsaking all of you who hang on my every critique when deciding what to spend your money and your time on. There just has been NOTHING I have wanted to spend my money or my time on. Not even for my legion of fans. I respect you all too much to waste your valuable reading time by writing reviews for movies I knew would not live up to your tastes.

However, there are some movies to look forward to:

Hotel for Dogs (I wish I had a kid I could take as cover to this)

Inkheart

Taken

The International (maybe not something I'm looking forward to, but I'll see it)

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (hubba hubba)

Terminator Salvation (Ibid.)

I am so very much a summer movie gal. Don't judge. You're the one here reading what I have to say.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

Ehh. I wonder if I should have seen the original, would this have impressed me more? As it is, I found it just across the board ehh. The Noah's Arc concept was pretty cool - was that in the original? But otherwise really nothing stayed with me as far as making an impact.

As an aside, at what age should talking about an actor be off limits? Cuz I really want to say nasty things about Will Smith's kid's performance, but isn't he just, like, eight? That should be too young. I shall hold my tongue for a few more years. Verdict: Movie Rental If You Must