Tropic Thunder

Have you ever met up with an old high school buddy, but after five minutes of conversation you think to yourself "Geez, way to not grow up, guy." He's still telling the same adolescent jokes, and talks about his boss in the same juvenile way you two used to talk about a despised grade 10 teacher, and he asks what you're doing Friday night because he's going to do an all-nighter at the bar and wouldn't it be fun to relive the good ol' days ... except you're pretty sure he's relived them every Friday and Saturday night so the concept is actually good and old. It's painful and it's pitiful, and you just want to tell the guy not necessarily act his age -- because who's to say how that age is supposed to act -- but to at least give evolving a shot.

Watching Ben Stiller strikes me as that painful and pitiful. I used to think he was funny ... but I also used to pass out on the floor of 2nd Henday after a unit party because it was just less hassle than finding my way to my feet and going to my residence room. Ironically, how he has directed his actors and the script he gave them painfully illustrates just how pitiful Stiller has become. This is a funny movie. Stupid adolescent gore, sure. Kind of ridiculous premise, okay. But what the previews don't tell you is that not all the characters in this movie think they are still filming a movie in the jungle. (In fact, the moment the actors are given the first clue that they are in over their head is probably the most hilarious moment of the whole movie, because they all play it so very straight and shocked it is a brilliant moment of understatement.) Only Stiller's character is so vapid and clueless to believe the movie is still being shot -- and I submit it is because only Stiller is so vapid and clueless to think that would be funny. The other characters (and I submit, actors) are just not that dumb. And that's the case for this whole movie. Lift Stiller out, and this movie is a keeper. Mercifully, Stiller's character leaves the other characters maybe a third or half way through the movie, so you can enjoy really good scenes with the other characters interacting without having to suffer Stiller. When the story switches back to Stiller, you just wait it out patiently ... you will be rewarded when the story returns to ANY other characters and subplots. Every one except the one with Stiller is entertaining. I have to give him credit for the script he created and direction he gave ... I just wish he didn't have an acting credit here.

(oh, and there's lots of buzz about Tom Cruise's cameo in this movie. big whoop. the guy plays a nut job. where's the stretch?) Verdict: Discount Theatre.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Hmm ... I just didn’t like it as much as the first. It was okay. Really kind of amused itself with its own creature creations. I guess that’s cuz it was directed by the same guy who did Pan’s Labrynth (never saw it. Anything that is going to have a creature that has its eyes in the palm of its hands – literally – is not my cup o’ tea). And the battle against impossible odds part at the end really kind of overlooked the fact that all Hellboy had to do in the first place was challenge the albino bad guy’s claim to The Golden Army. And I usually just do not bother to catch things like that – so if I noticed, you know it was obvious. Verdict: Movie Rental If You Must

Journey to the Centre of the Earth 3D

Was this supposed to be a kid’s movie? I think this was supposed to be a kid's movie. Kind of light fluffy popcorn fare in 3D. I found the 3D so-so. Maybe they didn’t work all that well over my regular glasses. Maybe 3D isn’t what it once was. But I’d say it was fun. And really probably more of a kid’s movie. (But sweaty Brendan was quite adult-appreciated). Verdict: Discount Theatre

Mamma Mia!

When I was maybe 10, my best friend and I used to divvy up the songs on ABBA’s Voulez Vous album, taking turns singing the songs to the other, who was acting as the audience, in my best friend's front room. And of course, many hours of rollerskating in a figure-8 in my basement – or, even better, the rollerskating rink in Waterton!

This movie was full of the same kind of giddy childlike amusement. The movie is very goofy camp, and it was lots of fun to watch Meryl, Pierce, Colin and Stellan kick it up and just go with the goof. (Should I admit I actually cried when Meryl sang “The Winner Takes It All”? Probably not.) Unlike Ocean’s 12, which I believe was just made to amuse the stars with no thought or care whether what they made was actually a movie anyone but they would want to see, the stars of Mamma Mia were clearly out of their minds enjoying themselves AND trying to make sure we’re in on the joke. Be prepared to watch the credits. Great, great fun. Verdict: First Run Theatre

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Damn. I find myself on the same side as the professional reviewers on this one. A side I rarely wish to be on. I love Brendan Fraser. I really do. Part action hero, part comedian. I love this man. But I just don’t know – is he functionally illiterate? How could he not know that the things they had him doing and the dreck they had him saying was embarrassing? One reviewer said that Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh were wasted in this movie. Yeah. They so were. I just wanted to take a red pen to this script and hand it back to Mr. Fraser for his own good. But at least it tried to be original, unlike the second instalment. And it let go of that ridiculous “Evie is a reincarnated Egyptian princess” stuff. So I guess it tried. Good job on the trying. Bad job on the ... well, rest of it. (except showing Brendan Fraser with his shirt off. Excellent good job on that.) Verdict: (pains me to do this:) Secret Movie Rental

X-Files: I Want to Believe

A play on the movie's title is too easy. I won't debase myself so.

I’m not one to agree with professional reviewers – who seem too often to forget the point of movies is to entertain, not rival literary giants in depth, meaning and poignancy – but I must concede in this case. Not so much because I thought the movie as a movie was so very awful, but because as an X-Files movie it was so very disappointing. I really wonder why they chose to make this movie. I have no problem seeing why someone would wake up and say they want to make another X-Files movies, I just don’t know what would possess them to make this X-Files movie. I don’t think any of the actors need the money. Is Chris Carter hurting financially? I just don’t get it. It wasn’t X-File-y at all. Verdict: Movie Rental if You Must